Thursday 12 August 2004

i thought we were supposed to avoid rollercoasters

I'm going through so many emotional ups and downs lately. The scan is tomorrow, which is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I'm overjoyed at the thought of seeing the baby, but worried that something will go horribly wrong. What if they don't find a heartbeat? (I really, really, really wish I hadn't read anything about missed miscarriages.) What if there's something very wrong with the baby?

This is supposed to be an exciting, magical time for us. I hate that it's marred by this anxiety. It sucks that I can't just look forward to it and eagerly anticipate emailing scan pictures to our friends and family. At least I've got an early morning appointment and the suspense will be over sooner rather than later. My brain knows that I've had no indication that anything's wrong so far, but my heart (which is generally ten times larger than my brain most days) won't allow me to sleep tonight and is giving me indigestion and nausea.

I'd like to just enjoy being pregnant now, please.

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