Friday 8 April 2005

i bet they'll have fruitcake

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles will acknowledge "sins and wickedness" at their wedding blessing...Prince Charles and the new Duchess of Cornwall will read the act of penitence which is worded: "We acknowledge and bewail our manifold sins and wickedness, which we, from time to time, most grievously have committed, by thought, word and deed, against thy Divine Majesty, provoking most justly thy wrath and indignation against us." [source]

This makes the words we exchanged at our wedding ceremony seem like Petula Clark lyrics. Are they going to flagellate themselves after they exchange rings? Should they dunk Camilla into the Thames to see if she's a witch? (My vote: yes.) Good grief, it's a couple of middle aged divorcees getting hitched at the town hall. I'm sure Charles can still carry out his duties as our country's king without repenting sins we've all known about for over a decade. Ribbons can still be cut, shopping malls declared open, medals bestowed on his subjects, and I'm certain people will still buy his organic oatcakes. I know I will; my Dad loves them.

Just in case I'm ever deemed incapable of being a mother and technical author because I haven't made any such declarations of penitence before marriage, I will make a statement here, to you, my faithful readers. I, Lisa, fully admit that I have done some naughty things that I now hereby repent. I confess to the following naughty things:
-When I was 10, I stole an Aero chocolate bar from Boots in Burlington, Ontario. I only did it because my friend Linda was a bad influence and convinced me to do it, and it wasn't even a king sized bar or the minty variety.
-I lied about my weight on my driver's licence. (Canada only)
-On a credit card application, I stated that I lived at a particular address for two years when I had only been there for one. I just couldn't be bothered to fill out a third address to provide my housing information for the past three years.
-I snuck in to see "Monty Python's Meaning of Life" and "Videodrome" before I was 18.
-I have resorted to walkthroughs to get through difficult parts of computer games.
-When I was a vegetarian, I ate pepperoni. It was by mistake, but I liked it.
-I once told someone that something they made was really yummy, when in actual fact, I wasn't that keen on it.

I'm really, really, really sorry. Please vote for me on May 5. Thank you.

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