Thursday 12 September 2002

life goes on

I woke up yesterday morning after a night of horrible dreams, and spent the day feeling exhausted and sad. At 1.46pm BST, I sat outside by the fountain, closed the book I was reading, and stared at the water for a minute. I thought to myself (because I don't pray), "I'm sorry for the people who died. I'm thankful that I'm here and my life is good. I'm hopeful that things will get better". I pulled my fleece around me and walked back inside to my office, where a headache gnawed away at me for the rest of the day.

I refused to watch TV yesterday, but stupidly read too much online news at lunch. The day settled itself into the front of my head and its heaviness stayed there until I fell asleep last night. I woke up this morning, curled up next to Paul, and everything was okay. Deep black circles cup my eyes today, but the weight of yesterday is gone.

So today I'm talking about food and restaurants with my workmate Andy, having a laugh about the law of white shirts (you must spill something on yourself when you wear white, usually red wine, something containing tomato, or curry), and tapping my foot to the music coming through my headphones as I do my work. I sent a note to Paul's Mum to make sure we don't end up getting him duplicate presents for his birthday next week. I keep checking my new mobile to see if my number's been transferred over yet as they are supposed to do this today. I've written a list of things I need to pick up at Tesco in a few minutes and will finish my Diet Coke before I head out. I'm thinking about what I'll make for dinner tonight.

Life goes on.

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