Friday 18 May 2007

meatball hooligan

You know how some people shout at the television when they watch sports? Like when the referee makes a bad call or a player does something stupid? Me, I shout at the television when I watch cookery programmes.

"I cannot believe she just put double cream in a risotto! CREAM! In a risotto! Ffffttt."
"Why is she adding salt to a salad dressing made almost entirely of Hellman's mayonnaise?"
"Did he just say he pureed olives and honey to make a sauce for the cake? Ewww!"
"Noooooooo you don't put prunes in brownies!"
"Who the hell has time to blanch and peel 1kg of almonds?!"

*(extra points to you if you can guess which TV cook I'm shouting at for each quote.)

Paul often asks me why I watch certain programmes, as I tend to get vexed at some more than others. It's a good question, really. I do enjoy watching my programmes but cannot resist giving (loud) advice when I see something awry. Why do people shout at televised sports? To get into the spirit of the game? To feel superior to/more knowledgeable than the officials? Maybe I secretly want to host my own cookery show. I should apply to Gordon Ramsay who is looking for a new female TV chef, although I think he's seeking a cross between Joan Crawford and Martha Stewart. And I cannot be bothered to put together a 3 minute audition tape.

I love food, and I cannot let a perfectly good piece of grilled duck be forced to sit in a pool of mango coulis without some words of protest. I cannot. At least not while I've got a lot of free time on my hands and a hormonal imbalance.

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