i'm f***king talking to my f***ing dog
Paul said that I sound like Sharon Osbourne when I talk to our dog. Heaven help me, it's true. The last time I talked in that high-pitched "talking to toddlers and babies" voice, I realised that I do sound like Mrs. Ozzy when she talks to her ten thousand lap dogs (and children). I can't f***ing believe it.
*(Asterisks are used to protect the innocent and prevent my mother from thinking that I have a potty mouth.)