all the news you need to know
News item 1: Vintage chutney passes taste test (you know, you could just go buy yourself a new jar at Tesco for �1.29)
News item 2: B&Q wrote back to us today, apologising for the "inconvenience" and their lack of customer service, and enclosed �20 worth of vouchers. I will go into one of their shops for future purchases, but will probably never order anything online from them again.
News item 3: No one has thrown anything at David Blaine today. My only question is: why not?
Thank you, and goodnight.