Tuesday 19 August 2003

calgon, take me away

Now I know why stay at home mothers always look so frazzled. Not only are you using up every ounce of your energy making sure that your kid isn't about to drink bleach, stick his tongue in a socket, or poke out an eye, you've got people banging on the door trying to sell you stuff all day long. I saw two women wandering around the neighbourhood with clipboards this afternoon, and this is never a good sign. It's either someone trying to convince you to discover their religion or they're trying to sell you something you don't need. The first two times they rang the doorbell, I ignored it. When they came around the third time, I very stupidly decided to answer the door (I think I was too tired and fed up to overcome my curiosity). The woman identified herself as being from NPower, and if you thought the double glazing salespeople were pushy, they are nothing compared to the NPower people. We encountered them at the Ideal Home Show where a rather large NPower woman sank her hard sales pitch into us like a pitbull and wouldn't let go no matter how many times we told her that we didn't have a new house yet (no really, apparently this doesn't mean that you can't sign up with them). So the scrawnier but just as relentless NPower woman today stood at my doorstep and wouldn't leave, no matter how many times I politely told her that no thank you, we weren't interested. She asked what part of America I was from. A glimmer of hope lit up in my mind as I acted really offended that she had mistaken me for one of those horribly uncouth Americans, as I was certain this would cause her to flee from my house, begging my forgiveness. Instead, she said "Oh you're Canadian sorry that must be such an insult ooh what part of Canada are you from because I used to take care of the travel arrangements for my office to Toronto and I always wanted to go to Qu�bec what was the name of that town again oh I can't remember but Canada is so lovely and who takes care of the bills in your household 'cos it doesn't matter where you get the bill from, it's how much you're paying, right?"


In the most forceful and slightly rude tone of voice I could muster up (I am Canadian, sorry), I said to her, "We are really, really, really, really not interested. Really. Honestly. I need to go look after my puppy now." Surprisingly, the scrawny pitbull unclenched her jaws and went on her merry way, perhaps startled by the puppy excuse that few people have ever utilised.

So I went back to work, keeping one eye on the pup and the other on my monitor (with several glances out the window in case NPower lady was lurking in my shrubbery), with a bit of a headache and the resolution that I will never, ever answer my door in the middle of the day again.

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