Monday 27 January 2003

you were warned

I told you people that being near me would make you pregnant. But did you listen and protect yourselves? Nooooo. A lovely reader called Dina wrote to tell me that she and her husband are expecting their first little bambino in August. Now, can we assume that she's become pregnant as a result of reading this site? Of course we can. It can all be scientifically explained, but I have neither the time nor resources to explain it all fully here. In the meantime, I suggest that you cover your monitors with a large latex sheath whilst reading this page - if you haven't done so already for other reasons.

Before I launch into this next bit, I must put a disclaimer here first. I am not pregnant. I am not planning on being pregnant in the immediate future. Okay? Okay.

When I was 20, I thought I would have a kid by 25. Then I turned 25 and thought it would be a good idea to wait until I turned 30. I turned 30, and suddenly 35 looked a lot more sensible. I'm now 33 (for the next two months) and 35 is awfully close. I couldn't say for sure that I wanted to have kids, but I knew that I couldn't say that I didn't want kids - if that makes any sense. The thought of me being responsible for another human life was both pretty funny and incredibly scary, and I honestly couldn't imagine life with a mini me running around the house. I couldn't have a kid, I reasoned, because I would become boring, I'd never be able to leave the house and travel, and I couldn't fathom the responsibility. I felt this way until one day a couple of months ago, when for some bizarre reason out of the blue (I think I was in the shower at Paul's Mum and Dad's at the time), my brain said to me, "Of course you can have kids. And everything will be okay. No, really. Trust me." I have no idea how I came to this realisation. Hormones? Aging? Being with a man I love to bits? Being around kids for a weekend that I adored? Ah, yeah...okay, maybe that. The point is, something changed in me and I simply knew that this is something I could do and that it wouldn't be a bad thing. This is something that I want to do, but not just now. So don't panic.

In the meantime, we are looking at buying/building a house. This is another scene in the episode of my life entitled "Lisa Becomes a Grown Up". (Scene one was buying a car.) I have started a special savings account (called "L & P's House Fund", because I am completely unimaginative about stuff like this), and we will be able to put even more money away when Paul moves in here in a couple of months. We've started a scrapbook of ideas and information, and I will bore you all to tears with house-related stories on this page in the coming months. If we end up doing a self build, you can be bored with pictures as well. If you work with me or live in Cambridge, I'll be able to bore you in person.

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