Blog From A Broad

random act of blogness

Today I have put all my thoughts through a blog randomizer; various bits running through my brain will appear here as part of this entry. *buzz whirr click!*

I threw an entire box of smoked salmon at a woman at Tesco today. It wasn't intentional, they fell on her as I tried to remove a packet from the box. I said to her, "I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to throw a box of salmon at you!" which sort of implied that had it been anything other than salmon, it would have been okay. Luckily, she was good-natured about it and I managed to finish my shopping without throwing any other food products at other customers.

I think my dog has taken up smoking. He keeps wanting to go outside and has developed a slight cough. A lack of opposable thumbs makes this a difficult habit to take up, however he may be receiving help from one of the cats who frequents our garden.

I'm finding Celebrity Big Brother difficult to watch. Don't get me wrong, I like trash television as much as the next person, but this year's series has been cringeworthy. I've had to watch most of it from behind the sofa between my fingers, particularly the "would you like me to be the cat?" episode. Note to Pete Burns: please put some clothes on. Brrrrrrrrrr.

I cannot taste anything right now, and it's really starting to piss me off. Take away the ability to breathe through my nose, give me a hacking cough, make my throat feel like I've gargled with a mixture of Pop Rocks and Jolt cola, but do not take away my ability to enjoy food. You bastards.

While visiting Jack's day nursery the other day, a little boy with big blue eyes toddled up to me and held up his arms, begging for a cuddle. My heart melted as I picked him up and brought him close to my face. That was the point at which he let out an enormous slobbery sneeze and unleashed a torrent of wet hacking coughs. I don't care what anyone says, being a parent doesn't make you immune from being grossed out by stuff like this. (NB Furthermore, I blame this child for giving Jack and I this hideous cold.)

Thank you. That is all.