Wednesday, 10 March 2004

squeaky wheels

In all my years of being an employed person, I have discovered that at every job, there is someone who is chronically Very Busy. So busy, that they must tell you about it every time you see them. If you ask them a question, they preface every answer with, "I'm SO busy right now" and flap their hands in an exasperated manner until you say never mind, you'll ask someone else. The funny thing is, in reality, none of these Very Busy people are actually doing much of anything. They just make themselves seem really, really busy.

Here are some tips for appearing Very Busy (and thus, very important).

  • Whenever anyone approaches you with any issue, no matter how trivial, react as if they have just asked you to calculate pi to 22 places whilst juggling chainsaws.

  • Start every sentence with any of the following: a deep breath followed by a lengthy exhalation (like you're trying out a technique you've learned in an anger management class), the rolling of one or more eyes up towards the ceiling, and/or the phrase "I've just been in a killer meeting" (even if you are in the toilet at the time).

  • Phone random people throughout the day and when they answer, say "I can't talk right now! I'm too busy!" and hang up.

  • Don't brush or cut your hair. Or change your clothes. People like you don't have time for personal hygiene.

  • Always have your office door closed. No one will ever know that those lengthy, important phone calls that keep you occupied for 8 hours a day are really conversations with your stay at home wife, asking her to tell you what's on television and provide a brief description of all the shows you're missing by being in the office.

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