"What's the matter, mummy?"
"I've got a little tummy bug, Jack."
"I'll go get my doctor's kit!"
[listens to my heart, looks in my ears and mouth] "Your belly is hurting because your daughter was in your belly. I need to put a bandage on it so it doesn't 'splode."
And so my belly didn't 'splode, and I felt much better after a couple of days.
[Fast forward one week, arriving at my in-laws', Jack announces...]
"MUMMY HAD A POO BUG!!"
Well. So much for doctor/patient confidentiality.