Tuesday, 31 May 2011

we can be heroes

My children have the following superhero powers:
  • The ability to know when you're eating chocolate, even if you're behind a closed door in another part of the house.
  • Total clothing removal in less than 5 seconds, particularly in public places.
  • Constant and persistent "I'm screaming like my arms are being chewed off by lions/I'm perfectly happy now" oscillation.
  • Camel Stomach: the ability to drink 50 litres of liquid without having to go to the toilet once, and requesting more liquids every 3 minutes. And conversely...
  • The Tardis Bladder: the ability to expel incredible amounts of wee, despite just having been to the toilet and insisting that there is no further need to wee (i.e. during toilet training.)
  • The ability to start crying the moment a parent begins to eat/fall asleep, or more impressively, when the adult merely considers these concepts. (This power seems to be present in under 2s only.)
  • Stealthy Depositing and Spreading of Sticky Things
  • Complete Green Removal From Anything Edible AKA The Meticulous Search and Removal of Every Speck of Chopped Basil From Spaghetti Sauce
My children adhere to the following rules:
  • I'm not hungry, unless it's food on someone else's plate.
  • As soon as the adult steps out of the room, start beating the crap out of each other. Deny existence of conflict as soon as the adult returns.
  • When in doubt, blame the baby.
  • Alternatively, blame the dog. Or dinosaurs. (True story.)
  • There is always an excuse not to sleep. For example, "I can still hear [the baby] crying in my mind."
  • Everyone wants to see your bum/willy/belly. 
  • When eating dip, use your finger to scoop it up and lick it off. Repeat until an adult tells you the tub is all yours.

3 comments:

Lisa said...

You've got your hands full now, woman! Enjoy the chaos.

Helen said...

this post made me laugh *very* hard. thank you :o)

Tomsmum said...

SO so true, esp the green stuff - I hav removed flecks of green from a curry before thinking what on earth am I doing!