Tuesday 31 May 2011

we can be heroes

My children have the following superhero powers:
  • The ability to know when you're eating chocolate, even if you're behind a closed door in another part of the house.
  • Total clothing removal in less than 5 seconds, particularly in public places.
  • Constant and persistent "I'm screaming like my arms are being chewed off by lions/I'm perfectly happy now" oscillation.
  • Camel Stomach: the ability to drink 50 litres of liquid without having to go to the toilet once, and requesting more liquids every 3 minutes. And conversely...
  • The Tardis Bladder: the ability to expel incredible amounts of wee, despite just having been to the toilet and insisting that there is no further need to wee (i.e. during toilet training.)
  • The ability to start crying the moment a parent begins to eat/fall asleep, or more impressively, when the adult merely considers these concepts. (This power seems to be present in under 2s only.)
  • Stealthy Depositing and Spreading of Sticky Things
  • Complete Green Removal From Anything Edible AKA The Meticulous Search and Removal of Every Speck of Chopped Basil From Spaghetti Sauce
My children adhere to the following rules:
  • I'm not hungry, unless it's food on someone else's plate.
  • As soon as the adult steps out of the room, start beating the crap out of each other. Deny existence of conflict as soon as the adult returns.
  • When in doubt, blame the baby.
  • Alternatively, blame the dog. Or dinosaurs. (True story.)
  • There is always an excuse not to sleep. For example, "I can still hear [the baby] crying in my mind."
  • Everyone wants to see your bum/willy/belly. 
  • When eating dip, use your finger to scoop it up and lick it off. Repeat until an adult tells you the tub is all yours.


Lisa said...

You've got your hands full now, woman! Enjoy the chaos.

laputain said...

this post made me laugh *very* hard. thank you :o)

Tomsmum said...

SO so true, esp the green stuff - I hav removed flecks of green from a curry before thinking what on earth am I doing!