Wednesday, 28 May 2008

back again

Howdy do, we're back from our whirlwind holiday (details on the main blog) and no one suffered from major jet lag. I'm amazed at how our children adjusted to the time zones with no problems. By the time we got the kids to bed after we landed in Toronto, it was 1am UK time. They woke happily at their usual time (7am Toronto time), and Mia went down for her naps as normal. Fantastic; they did it on the way back as well. The night we came back to the UK, I collapsed into bed at 10, too tired to stay up for Mia's 11pm feed. I figured that she would wake as usual and I'd just wake up then. The next thing I knew, it was 8 in the morning. My boobs were about to explode but damn, it was nice to sleep for 10 full hours. I haven't done that since...hmmm...before Jack was born? Bliss.

So now we're back and this means the return to work looms over my head. Five days, to be precise. You know when you get on the computer or you start watching TV and suddenly hours have gone by and you can't figure out where the day went? That's what the past year feels like to me. It doesn't feel like I've been gone a year and I can't quite come to grips with my maternity leave ending. Mia still seems so small to me, not at all like her brother was at this age. She is still my little baby; she's not even walking or saying words yet. She doesn't have hair I can put into cute little clips or shitzu-esque bundles on the top of her head. I know it has everything to do with Mia being our last child and she looks very small next to her big brother. I've thoroughly enjoyed having this time with her and I'm incredibly sad for it to end. I'm grateful that I'm able to take one day off a week to be with her, but so bittersweet about returning to Working Mummy Land.

With Jack, I was looking forward to returning to work. I could make phone calls at my leisure, drink an entire hot cup of tea, and go to the bathroom whenever the desire strikes. I could nip out at lunch to run errands that you can only do sans baby. I could have conversations with adults - that is, as adult as you get around our office. I could use my brain again and do a job that I really love. Having this non-mummy time would make me a better, happier mother. The time spent with Jack would be "quality time" and doing something for myself would revitalise me. I was ready.

I am so not ready.

No comments: