girls are weird.

2009-08-26T11:50:00.001Z

peekaboo

Just in case you're wondering where I've gone, all my blogging is now over on the baby blog. It was getting difficult to keep up two blogs, and most of what I had to talk about was kid-related anyway. So, it's one blog from now on. One day I'll get around to directing both pages to the one blog. In the meantime, see you over on the other side. :)

2009-02-18T15:05:00.002Z

i knew this would come in handy one day

'Knitting' may delay memory loss

Engaging in a hobby like reading a book, making a patchwork quilt or even playing computer games can delay the onset of dementia, a US study suggests.

Watching TV however does not count - and indeed spending significant periods of time in front of the box may speed up memory loss, researchers found.

Those who had during middle age been busy reading, playing games or engaging in craft hobbies like patchworking or knitting were found to have a 40% reduced risk of memory impairment.

In later life, those same activities reduced the risk by between 30 and 50%. [source]

So now I'm wondering if knitting in front of the television cancels each other out. Damn.

2009-02-12T12:07:00.002Z

peekaboo

Oh, hello there. Yes, I know this blog has been woefully neglected lately. I simply have nothing interesting to say these days - which hadn't stopped me in the past, mind you. So, here I am. Apologies in advance for the dribble that shall commence.

I'm currently wearing MIA's dress. It's very breezy, and because it's monochrome, it goes with anything! Apparently it's not a maternity dress, but we like flexible apparel. In all seriousness, I think it looks better on MIA than Agyness Deyn; you need a little something to fill out the ladybird bits.

We're heading out for our annual Pre-Valentine's Dinner Date Because Set Menus and Crowds Piss Us Off evening tonight. My in-laws are helping us out at the moment while Paul recovers from knee surgery (keyhole, he's doing just fine) and acting as babysitters tonight. It'll be lovely to have a civilised evening that doesn't involve Nick Jr and nappy changing. Speaking of civilised evenings, we've booked a table at Heston Blumenthal's restaurant The Fat Duck to celebrate my 40th (*gah!*) birthday at the end of March. We're heading down to Bray in the afternoon, having dinner, then spending the night at a lovely B&B on the riverside. Really, really cannot wait. Good food, a night alone with my husband, the opportunity to sleep past 7am - I'm all agog. I am so looking forward to this.

Have just calculated that I after 10 working days in May, I'm off on holiday and then maternity leave. Niiiice.

2009-01-26T10:33:00.000Z

who NOT TO book for your child's party

We went to a party yesterday for one of Jack's nursery friends, and they had hired a magician to perform. At the beginning of the show, I had to take Jack to the loo and when I returned, I caught the end of a conversation involving the magician telling off some mums for talking during his performance. At a CHILDREN'S PARTY. For which HE is being PAID to perform.

It gets better.

One of the mums and I started chatting very quietly, leaning in close to each other because I had a very difficult time hearing her as we tried to keep our voices down. I then noticed the room had fallen silent, and turned to see the magician staring at us with the dirtiest look I'd ever received in my life. He had actually stopped the show to berate us, patronisingly asking us if we would "like to join in now." The child's mother looked at us in horror and embarrassment, and the other parents looked at us with a mixture of shock and laughter at the absurdity of the situation. At another point, another group of mums started chatting quietly at the back of the room, and this time he said "And now for our next trick IF THE MUMS IN THE BACK WOULD ALL STOP CHATTING" with a glare.

Now the thing is, normally I'm not one to hold my tongue. My instinct was to smack this asshole with my very large handbag and give him a piece of my mind. But because he kept doing it during the performance in front of our children, I didn't want to be rude. And after the show, I didn't want to further embarrass the hosting mum by having a go at the guy she'd hired to entertain the kids. So gracefully, I let him off - but not without ensuring that I get the word out that this guy should be avoided like the plague.

Do not, even in your most desperate moment, hire a guy called Billy Banana Children's Entertainer (AKA Peter Ashley) at http://www.billybanana.com/ phone number (01353) 649595. I'm not quite sure how he stays in business, but generally it's a bad idea to completely humiliate and piss off potential customers. Just a tip for you, Billy.

2008-11-12T14:46:00.002Z

how funny is thaaaaat?

I love the Barefoot Contessa, AKA Ina Garten. She's like the bigger, older, American version of Nigella, who cooks with fat and sugar with wild abandon. She's the One Fat Lady, if you like. A friend of mine attended her book signing yesterday in Illinois, and brought with her a stick of butter for Ina to sign. Hilarious and brilliant, and appreciated by the Contessa herself. Jen is my hero.

2008-11-04T15:00:00.004Z

it's beginning to taste a lot like christmas

And just to be different, I shan't write about the US elections in this post. And you can't make me.

Inspired by Caroline's pumpkin bake-o-thon, I decided to put together some pumpkiny goodies using the extra tin of pumpkin puree that was lurking in my cupboard. (It was for Canadian Thanksgiving but, ironically, we were in the States at the time.) I have a very loud and persistent sweet tooth at the moment, but I need to try and keep eating as healthily as I can. You know, so I can stuff my face for two solid weeks at Christmas. (Mental note: ensure Christmas outfit has an elasticated waist.)

First up were Starbucks Pumpkin Scones, which are normally slathered in icing, but I was a very good girl and refrained. I used wholemeal flour instead of white, Splenda instead of sugar, and didn't need to add the half and half because the dough was wet enough (in the UK, you could use single cream or whole milk.) They emerged from the oven smelling spicy and Autumnal, and were remarkably light and not overly sweet. I can see why you'd want to add the icing (as you'd find at Starbucks) because they aren't as sweet as a cake or muffin, but I was quite happy to polish one off without the extra sugar rush. I think these would be lovely with some honey for breakfast. The recipe tells you to divide the dough into 6, but I made 12 scones that are a very decent size. 6 is just stupid big.

The second recipe was for Pumpkin Muffins, and again, I substituted wholemeal flour for white, Splenda for sugar, rapeseed oil for the applesauce (because unsweetened applesauce doesn't seem to exist in this country), and omitted the walnuts. I reduced the quantities to make 12 muffins only, so this used up the remaining pumpkin in the tin very nicely. They smell like Christmas, and taste like little cakes. The raisins make the muffins beautifully sweet, and the pumpkin makes them satisfyingly filling.

If I can figure out how to make a healthy pumpkin latte, I'll let you know.

2008-11-04T11:09:00.003Z

Speed Racer for president

While watching television yesterday evening, Barack Obama appeared on the screen. Jack asked, "Is that Lewis Hamilton?"

If presidential candidates drove racing cars, that would be very, very cool indeed. In fact, next election I think they should have an automotive race of some sort to determine the winner. Either that, or roller derby.

2008-10-07T20:25:00.002Z

wish we were there

We're back from two glorious weeks soaking up the sunshine and frolicking on the beaches of southern California. And we're none too pleased about that. I arrived at LAX in a summery flippy skirt and sleeveless top, went to the bathroom and changed into jeans, long sleeves, and a cardigan for the plane journey home. On board, the pilot announced that it was 10C in London. It took a lot of self restraint to not stand up and shout "TURN THIS PLANE AROUND!!!", but here we are. Jet lagged, slightly tanned, and the kids now have a fabulous autumnal wardrobe.

I won't bore everyone with lengthy holiday details, so here are some quick points for those with busy lives:
-I want to open up a chain of Whole Foods supermarkets here. Specifically, I would like to open one within 5 miles of my house.
-the peanut butter pie at Rainforest Cafe is insanely good. And probably lethal in high doses.
-the "credit crunch" meant that Disney was pretty quiet; we waited around 5 minutes for each ride. Recession, shmecession - no queues means happy Lisa.
-Gymboree now has all of my money.
-Saw "Ironman" on the plane, loved it.
-I think the hypnotherapy has worked because I felt absolutely fine about flying both times, and wasn't too fussed about the bit of turbulence we had.
-We stayed down the road from Oprah.
-didn't work out, ate like a pig, didn't gain any weight. Oh yes.

Photos can be found here.

2008-09-16T14:28:00.003Z

last one before we go

Some random bits I need to write about (i.e. before they get lost in my foggy mommy brain forever) before we set off on holiday. California, in case you're wondering. Yes. AGAIN. We like it there. It has sunshine.

Random Thing #1

So I accidentally jogged for 4 miles last Friday. I did my lunchtime run at work for a change, and set off to do my usual 2 miles. Paul gave me somewhat vague directions (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it) on a good 2 mile circuit I could do around the office. I followed the trail, realised I'd followed it too far and doubled back on myself, found myself at a fork in the trail and went the wrong way. I ended up in suburban hell; aimlessly plodding around cul de sacs that all looked identical. There are few landmarks in this village, and I couldn't see any of them. As I jogged along, turning my head in every direction to find something I recognised, I sang "I don't know where the fuck I ammmmm" repeatedly. As an added bonus, I didn't take my mobile with me because I thought I wasn't going far and the trail looked pretty easy to follow. Eventually, I popped out by one of the local schools and thankfully found my way back. "Here," I said to Paul. "Take your GPS thingy, plug it into your computer and have a good laugh and see where I've been."

On the plus side, it means that I can very easily run 5k at the moment and didn't feel (much) pain the next day. When I did the Race for Life, I couldn't walk or climb stairs for three days. So that's nice.

Random Thing #2

I have a stealthmobile. I just got a Toyota Prius, and I'm feeling all green and smug. It's a fantastic car but best of all, you can sneak up on people in it. The electric motor kicks in when you're going slowly, so it moves soundlessly. I scared the life out of the Waitrose car park attendant yesterday as my car silently crept up to his kiosk. Ninja hybrid!

Random Thing #3

Jack decided to pack his own suitcase this morning, which mostly involved emptying the contents of his drawers into a big heap on top of the suitcase. Apparently he needs to take all of his jeans (no underwear or tops, though), three books, five stuffed animals, four toy cars, and several assorted toys for Mia, including a rather large Fisher Price airplane. He stated that he needed his slippers and coat because "It's very cold in the airport." When asked where we're going on holiday he announced, "To the moon!" When asked what he expected to find on the moon, his eyes lit up and he said "Aliens!"

So there you have it. We're off to the moon to visit the aliens. See you in October!

2008-09-09T15:56:00.003Z

gettin' knitty wit' it

Can you knit? Do you enjoy knitting tiny little hats for smoothie bottles? If you answered yes to both (or one) of these questions, then join The Big Knit! The people at Innocent Drinks are adding handmade hats to their smoothie bottles, and for every one sold, they will donate 50p to Age Concern. You don't have to live in the UK to participate, but obviously you'll need to take shipping costs/time into account if you're going to send your hats in.

I think this is a fab way to use up those scraps of yarn, and for a very good cause. I'll try to cobble some together before we go on holiday and will probably do some while we're away. What? Well, what else are you going to do when you're jet lagged and awake at 3am?!

2008-09-09T10:03:00.002Z

i'll soon be borrowing clothes from posh

I've been on the weight loss train for two months now, which for me, is a huge milestone. I love food. I love making food. I love eating food. I love it when other people make me food and when I eat it. I love watching programmes about food. I love going out with friends to eat food, or having people over for food. And wine. Got to have the wine. So yeah, two months of healthy eating and training is nothing short of a miracle.

I've been following the GI Diet, which is really just a sensible eating plan. I avoid anything with added sugar, eat lots of wholegrains and lean proteins, and lower sugar fruits and veggies. My diet hasn't really changed much from before; I'm simply eating a lot less food. I run three times a week, and I'm proud to say that I'm actually clipping along at a somewhat respectable pace. Well, respectable for me - I'm now going faster than the old ladies on scooters who also travel along the sidewalks when I run. I'm doing something called Turbulence Training three times a week, which is a combination of resistance training using body weight (and a bit of free weights) and high intensity cardio intervals. The sessions are quick but incredibly intense. Put it this way, I used to do an hour of cardio at the gym several times a week and never really felt sore afterwards. One TT session had me walking like a cowboy with piles for three days. I love it because most of it can be done at home and you can break it up into 20 minute sessions.

So after month two, I'm very pleased to say that I've now lost just over one stone (14 lbs.) I can now fit into my I'm Not Throwing These Out Because Dammit, They WILL Fit Me One Day jeans and a few other outfits. I feel better...I still have a long way to go, but that's one big chunk down.

Just got to survive the two week holiday in California without succombing to the call of huge American portions. Hellllllp.

2008-08-20T13:35:00.001Z

i don't feel so bad about that duck now

Cake Wrecks - when cakes go wrong.

2008-08-17T10:06:00.001Z

how to eat at a sushi bar

Love this.

Yearbook Yourself!

2008-08-14T13:31:00.001Z

Thanks to JenC for the inspiration! This is from a site called Yearbook Yourself, and I cannot stop giggling. You upload a pic of yourself and it places your face in various yearbook poses from years gone by.

Top, from the left: 1952 (looking scarily like Joan Crawford), 1960, 1966 (that hair ain't going nowhere)
Bottom, from left: 1978 (digging my 'fro), 1994 (I actually had a perm like that in the early 90s), 2000 (hey, it's Diane from "Cheers"!)

Click on the photo for a larger image.

2008-08-06T14:50:00.002Z

feel the love

I hate grocery shopping. Hate it. I would rather chew off both of my own arms than go to Tesco on a weekend or evening, so we've been doing all of our shopping online with Ocado (Waitrose.) On the most part, it's been fine. Sometimes they give you stuff that's due to go off in 2-3 days, but no biggie - it can go in the freezer. Recently, we've had a few little niggles and an incident last night prompted me to give their customer service department a ring. It went thusly.

Me: Hello, I have a problem with my order today. I ordered English muffins and they were substituted with bagels.
Customer Service Girl (CSG): Yes...
Me: Well. Erm. That's not really a great substitution, especially considering that the bagels were already on my list. Now I have two packages of bagels.
CSG: Okay, let me explain our substitution policy, because you're obviously too retarded to understand how this all works. [Lisa's note: I might be making up that last bit.] Rather than sending you nothing, we send you a substitute.
Me: Yes, but bagels for muffins was a bit odd.
CSG: What you need to do is give the item back to the driver immediately. I'll give you a refund on it this time, but that's what you should do.

So a) I should have known better and b) she doesn't really give a rat's arse. And for this I pay an extra £3 per delivery. I also complained about our groceries arriving soaking wet the last three times because of condensation in the delivery van (as explained to us by the drivers), and CSG informed me that if it happened again, I should call because it would then be considered an ongoing problem. I reiterated that it was the 3rd time this had happened, so it was ongoing. CSG said she would investigate.

When a customer complains (reasonably), all you really need to do is listen, agree, apologise, and make it right. For example: "You're right, bagels for muffins is a bit rubbish. I'll refund your £1.79 right away. And hey, have you lost some weight? You look GREAT." Sorted. Not difficult.

2008-07-29T10:42:00.002Z

on the treadmill, everyone can hear you scream

I had the best intentions. I was all set to train, train, train and run that 5k at the beginning of this month. Run it, not half walk/half jog. I went back to the gym and then I stopped. I had no time; my maternity leave was coming to a very hasty end and I didn't want to spend the last remaining moments alongside sweaty people. I wasn't feeling well; it was winter and there were all sorts of nasty bugs afloat. I...um...didn't have anything to wear. I stopped going to the gym for a lot of really, really good reasons. Really.

So I did the 5k, and although I was hugely pleased and relieved to jog most of it, I knew it was time to get my wobbly arse back to the gym. I can't keep calling it "baby weight" forever (or can I?) and the pounds just aren't falling off like all of those breastfeeding infomercials told me it would. Seriously, am I the only woman on the planet who didn't shed weight whilst breastfeeding? How come I didn't end up being one of those "I eat 2 birthday cakes, a box of Krispey Kremes, and a bucket of lard every single day and gosh! I just can't seem to keep the weight ON!" types of breastfeeding mums? It surely can't be because I'm old and eat a lot. No, definitely not. It's obviously genetic.

I've been diligently, albeit not always enthusiastically, working out six days a week for the past three weeks and eating very healthy food. I run 3k during lunchtimes twice a week, hit the gym three times a week for around an hour each session (weights and cardio), do pilates on Friday mornings, and swim with the kids on Sunday mornings. I don't normally count calories because I know what "eating sensibly" means for me, but I did tally some of my menus up just to make sure I was eating enough/not too much. No drinking, no treats, no fun at all for three weeks.

I've lost a grand total of 6 and 3/4 lbs.

What. The. Hell. Yes, yes, I know that the scale isn't the best way to measure fat loss and I will be taking my measurements next week to see if they've changed in the past month, but COME ON! 6 and 3/4 stinking pounds! That's fine if I only had a few to lose, but I've got many to lose. Many, many, many. Whoever's been secretly feeding me chocolate sauce and pork scratchings in my sleep, stop it right now.

Dieting is not for the impatient or for those who love food a little too much. Feh.

2008-07-09T11:21:00.003Z

fun on a rainy day

Spotted on Emma's blog.

Here's how you play:

Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search
using only the first page. Choose an image.
Copy and paste each of the URLs into the mosaic maker at FD's image maker.

The questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favourite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favourite colour?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favourite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favourite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name.

Race For Life 2008

2008-07-06T21:35:00.001Z

Yep, it's that time of year again - I did the 5k Race for Life this afternoon in Cambridge with a couple of friends and 1,000 other lovely ladies. And just as in previous years, I planned to do lots of training and run the whole thing, whooshing smugly past everyone with such ease that I could give myself a pedicure at the same time. I ended up doing no training whatsoever (and had a couple of physical hindrances today that I won't go into because it'll make you go EWWWW) and it was raining to boot. Amazingly, I managed to jog/walk most of it and finished the course in 36 minutes...a personal best! Oh, but I ache right now. Next year, I will - honest truly promise - train and run the whole thing.

I love taking part in this event. Last year, I was hugely disappointed that I couldn't do the walk because despite being 2 weeks post partum, I felt up to it on the day. I didn't want to sign up for it in advance (a necessity) because I had no idea if Mia would be late, how I would be feeling, etc. I could have done it with Mia in a sling and that would have been pretty cool. That would have made two Race for Lifes whilst carrying my children (1 in utero.)

Every race, I read the dedications on everyone's backs and choke back tears. At the finish line, people shouted encouragement and applauded everyone who passed. One older man in particular caught my eye, clapping enthusiastically and shouted at me "Well done!" If I wasn't about to pass out from pushing myself to run the last kilometer, I would have burst into tears. I did get quite teary, actually. I do this every year for my grandma and every time I cross the finish line, I'd like to think I did her proud.

If you would like to make a donation, you can still do so on my sponsorship page for the next couple of weeks here.

2008-07-03T09:40:00.002Z

back to school

Last Saturday, I took an Indian cooking course at Angela Malik's cookery school, which was a Christmas present from my fabulous husband. I did ask him for it, I hasten to add - it wasn't one of those "'Ere. Go and learn how to make me something edible, woman!" kind of things. I was somewhat hesitant about taking the course on my own and feeling a bit awkward, as I imagined it would be mostly friends and couples attending together. There ended up being another lone lady in the class, but in the end, it didn't really matter at all.

The school is in a beautiful Georgian country mansion roughly 10 miles from where we live. It was a fantastic day. I learned quite a bit about combining flavours and picked up a few tips on how to make the perfect (authentic) curry, and the food we made was absolutely delicious. We had spicy deep fried paneer (Indian cheese), crushed aubergines, a creamy coconut salmon curry, and vegetable pakoras, all washed down with some rose Zinfandel. Gorgeous. The atmosphere was friendly and relaxed, and the people who attended the class were great fun. Most of them were self-professed "foodies" (not the pretentious variety) who were deeply passionate about cooking...and eating. We were encouraged to go around and taste everyone else's curries to get a sense of how different the same dish could turn out, depending on individual taste. We all left with big smiles and full bellies, which to me is always the formula for a very good day.

On Sunday, we held our annual Canada Day BBQ, which again involved lots of smiles and bellies full to bursting. In honour of our beautiful girl's first birthday, I made these ice cream cone cupcakes, which were incredibly easy to make. That is, once you've done at least one test run. The original recipe was from the Betty Crocker site, which stated that you needed to put the cake batter in muffin tins and stick the cone in on top. The problem with that method is that the cone topples over as the batter cooks and rises. What's worse is that I used a mix for that test run, so I couldn't even eat the mistakes as the cake tasted so horrible. For the final run, I made my own sponge using Nigella's Victoria sponge recipe (food processor method) and it worked really well. My faith in Nigella has been restored after the buttermilk cake fiasco (seriously, avoid that one at all costs unless you like your cakes 1" thick and as dense as a steamed suet pudding.)

For the Canadian Content, I made butter tarts and Nanaimo bars. As with all North American desserts I serve to my friends, they were deemed yummy but incredibly sweet. I think there is a Victorian psyche in every British person that makes them outwardly denounce American puddings for their terribly uncouth decadence, but they secretly enjoy them. Put a New York cheesecake in front of a Brit and they'll claim it's "too rich" but leave them alone with it, and they'll be naked and rolling in it, giggling like schoolgirls. It's the only thing that explains why every British television chef has to apologise or make a comment about ingredients such as cream and sugar in recipes. "This isn't for the faint-hearted", "This isn't a diet dish", etc. Just make it, for crying out loud! We know that clotted cream will kill you, but at least we'll all die happy!

So anyway, yes. The desserts must have been enjoyed because all that was left was one lone cupcake. Paul made some gorgeous salmon, trout, ribs, and pulled chicken in the smoker and grilled up burgers and sausages on the BBQ. I made coleslaw and Greek salad to go with the meat fest, along with my newly-acquired aubergine recipe from the day before. The crowd must have been hungry that day because even the salads were gone by the end of it. We had a fabulous time; the dances to the weather gods were heeded.

More photos of the day can be seen here.

2008-06-19T14:09:00.003Z

w00t!

Hurrah! I can retire now! Look what just arrived in my inbox!

Your email has won $4.6M from the UK Lottery draws on 01/06/08 held in BANGKOK-THAILAND.Lucky #:GHDJ487304JDGD9W.contact Mr. Walter Dou (walter_dou7@yahoo.com.hk) with your official names,Nationality/resident country,address,sex,age,tell,occupation,date of draw.+447045722060.

Ohmygawd! Lucky me!

In other news, it's my beautiful baby girl's first birthday today. Happy birthday, my Mimi pixie princess bunnypants. (Soppy video montage available for viewing on the baby blog.)

Duck Cake

2008-06-18T11:42:00.001Z

Duck Cake
Originally uploaded by Lisa Durbin

It was one of those things that looked really easy but turned out to be a big headache, and it was one of those things that reminded me why I don't usually do these sorts of things.

I am NOT a domestic goddess.

I thought it would be a cute idea to take a rubber ducky cake into nursery for Mia's birthday. I found this recipe on the Betty Crocker site that looked both cute and fairly simple. Let's review what happened, shall we?

-Recipe required one 8" and one 9" pan. I only have two 9" pans. It also required something called a "custard cup", so I improvised and used a stainless steel ramekin.
-Recipe required various candies for decorations that don't exist in this country. The closest I could find were two fried egg jelly sweets for the beak and/or eyes, but decided to get royal icing and make the features myself. Why do I think I can do stuff like this? Been watching too many episodes of "Heroes" and seem to think I can acquire skills by seeing them done on TV.
-Recipe required cake mix that seems impossible to find here, but I'm going to make my own because I've seen it done on TV, goddammit.
-Followed Nigella's recipe for buttermilk birthday cake to the letter. Cake came out smelling beautiful, all golden and puffy. Left it to cool for 10 minutes, and suddenly it was 1 inch thick.
-Put one layer on a plate, globbed on a 2" layer of icing in an attempt to make the cake look a normal height. Kids like icing. It'll be fine.
-Decided to deviate from the recipe and cut the cake so it tapers towards the back. Cake now looks like a frosty yellow coffin. Add more icing to round it out. Kids like icing. It'll be fine.
-Attempt to sit head piece on top, but it keeps rolling off. May frighten small children. Skewered its head with a large bamboo stick, which I'm sure won't be at all scary.
-Add more icing to the head because it's currently shaped like a hockey puck. Kids like icing. It'll be fine.
-Fashion eyes and a beak out of royal icing, using techniques gleaned from several Play Dough sessions with Jack.
-10:30pm, cake finished. Looks a bit like my duck was too slow crossing the road on the way back to his pond. Add more icing. Kids like icing. It'll be fine.

Really, seriously, slap me the next time I embark on something like this again.

2008-05-27T10:37:00.002Z

what i did on my springtime vacation

We've just returned from Toronto and Montreal after a very busy (but good) 2 week vacation. One of those "I need a vacation to recover from my vacation" type of things. It had been over two years since I'd been home and there were lots of people to see. Lots. So most of our time was spent visiting people, eating while visiting people, shopping before visiting people, and seeing a film after we'd visited people. Jack had no shortage of little friends to play with and our suitcases returned home bulging with gifts from those we saw.

Our journey (because everyone goes on a journey these days) began with our flight which went very well. In fact, it went too well to know if the hypnotherapy accomplished anything because we had no turbulence. Not that I'm complaining. Our flight was full, mostly with one 300-member extended family that apparently didn't believe in checking any luggage in. You can hardly blame them, what with all the Terminal 5 lost luggage hubbub (some of which is reportedly still somewhere in suitcase limbo), but my word...I never knew the overheard storage could contain such enormous items. Amongst the "carry on" was, I kid you not, an artificial Christmas tree. How that managed to fit in the little wire carry on example frame when you check in is beyond me. The 300-strong family laughed and waved their festive luggage at us as we stood bleary-eyed at the conveyor belt waiting for our suitcases to tumble down. Next time I may consider putting all of our possessions in Tesco carrier bags to take them on board with us. Or wearing 15 layers of clothing.

The kids were fantastic on the long flight; Jack was thrilled to have his very own television. British Airways now do a video on demand type service, which meant that Jack could watch Bob the Builder on a continuous loop for 8 hours. When we landed, he said "Oh, we're back at the airport." We explained that we were in Canada, so now he thinks that Canada is a large airport.

I have a few "must eat at" restaurants whenever I visit North America (some for the quality of the food, others for nostalgia), and The Baton Rouge is one of them. We went to one near my parents' house and were seated immediately by a chirpy hostess. And we waited...and waited...and waited until we flagged someone down to ask if they had a children's menu. It was odd that they didn't give us one when we first arrived, but surely they must have one. It's very rare that we get seated at a North American restaurant without being handed crayons, colouring-book-cum-menus, balloons, and tableside entertainment provided by a clown telling amusing knock-knock jokes. "We have a children's menu, but we don't have it written down. We just tell you what's on it and then you choose something," the waitress informed us. We chose something from The Menu That Shall Not Be Written Lest Someone Steal Our Idea Of Serving Toddlers Chicken Nuggets and ordered off the big person's menu for ourselves. As is evident by the photo, Jack thoroughly enjoyed drinking an entire pot of barbecue sauce and devoured his chicken fingers. I had a so-so plate of chicken and ribs, and Paul had a burger that was cleverly disguised as a piece of charcoal, which may have been a humorous homage to their down home grillin' theme. We think not.

We did a lot of kid-oriented stuff, which was great. Having children gives you a wonderful excuse to do fun things that would make you look more than a little bit odd if you did them on your own. We went to a fantastic place called Small Wonders Discovery Centre which had vast rooms of toys and playground equipment. One area had a huge play kitchen (depressingly slightly larger than ours at home) complete with a "grocery store" where Jack shopped for his dinner ingredients. We feasted on plastic potatoes, rolls, lettuce, and a nice cup of imaginary tea.

We visited the Toronto Zoo, a place I haven't been to since I was about 7 years old. It was a glorious day, sunny and warm. As it was a weekday during the school term it was practically deserted, save for a few foreign tourists like us. I mean, foreigners like my children and husband. I'm still Canadian because I'm too cheap and lazy to get my British citizenship.

We went to the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) and looked at dinosaur bones. "They're not real dinosaurs," my son sagely informed me. "They're just skeletons." He gazed at the bones, watched a CGI clip about the t-rex, and touched a dinosaur tooth. The highlight for him was a small "discovery area" with plastic dinosaurs that made excellent participants in his sister-eating game.

In Montreal, we visited the Biodome, which is sort of like the Eden Project with small animals. When I told Jack we were going to Montreal he asked, "Does it have animals?" and indeed it did. Jack very likely thought that Montreal was a big farm of some sort as that's the sort of thing we tend to visit when we're in the UK, so the Biodome was right up his alley.

We saw lots of friends, and met a few new little ones. We spent a day with Jen, Mark, and Aidan (pictured here with Jack) which started with a much missed and needed Canadian breakfast, followed by a trip to the fantastic Maman Bebe en Cafe (a small play area, cafe, and boutique all in one) to meet up with Susan, Patrick, and their little girl Sofia, and ending with a delicious takeaway sushi dinner. The next morning we met up with Dina and Maggie with their crew for another great breakfast.

For dinner, we met up with a huge group of old friends and their kiddies from previous jobs and university. Some I hadn't seen in over 13 years but incredibly, it was like no time had passed. We gobbled down delicious plates of steaming dim sum and side dishes at Ruby Rouge, a restaurant in the heart of Chinatown with waitresses that make a huge fuss over babies. Lovely.

When we returned to Toronto, Paul and I decided to go on a dinner date at a place called Ruth's Chris Steak House. It's a chain, but it shouldn't be something that puts you off trying it out - the price of a meal will likely do that on its own. The food was divine and the service impeccable, but paying $300 (including a generous tip) for two people to eat and have a couple of glasses of wine at a chain steak house seems a bit rich. Of course we also need to factor in the dinnertime entertainment provided by a geriatric gentleman and his 40something totty in a micro mini and stilettos. They sat on the same side of the booth and shared a steak, as we mused that they needed to share a meal so that she could cut it up and chew it for him. They ordered a very expensive bottle of wine and had the undivided attention of all the wait staff as well as servers from surrounding restaurants, hoping that a nicely folded napkin and water top up might warrant a crisp ten dollar bill.

We took advantage of our parental babysitters a second time to see a film, something that we haven't done since we snuck out to see "Casino Royale" two Christmases ago. We decided to see "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian", which was quite exciting for me as I'm a fan of the books and the first film. In retrospect, we probably should have hit the malls instead. I spent most of the film with my head in my hands either in boredom or attempting to hide my eyes. Horrifyingly cringeworthy dialogue and "jokes", terrifically awful acting, and far too many liberties with the plot that must have Lewis spinning in his grave. The four children from the first film return, spending the entire film looking as if they're on the verge of tears (understandably.) It is never a good sign when the opening credits roll and as each name passes by you wonder to yourself, "Who the hell is that?" In brief, that was two hours of my life I will never get back again.

Our visit conveniently coincided with Mother's Day (spent mostly on the sofa as I suffered from some hideous virus) and my dad's birthday (spent eating tiny sandwiches and cakes at a high tea.) We shopped and discovered that most things aren't cheaper in Canada anymore, and ate and discovered that Canadian beef tastes a million times better than what we generally get in the UK. I bought half of Loblaws grocery store and put it in Paul's suitcase, and we went on our merry way. Again, my hypnotherapy went untested as we only had a tiny bit of turbulence on the way home. The flight was uneventful, our luggage came tumbling down within minutes of arriving, and I learned that if I take one (or both) of our British children with me through passport control, I can go through the privileged EU queue rather than the Unwashed Others queue I normally stand in by myself.

Exhausted but happy, we drove along the motorway and headed home. Going in the opposite direction along the shoulder was an old lady pootling along on a motorized old lady scooter, followed shortly by a police car with lights flashing. "You did see that too, didn't you?" I asked Paul.

It's nice to be home.

2008-05-03T21:43:00.003Z

i should be in bed

A bit of fun 'cos I can't think of anything to blog about. Tagged by Miss Kitty:

Remove 1 question from below and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. [Lisa's note: I don't do tagging, so if you're reading this and are thinking to yourself "Ooh. I wanna do this.", go for it.]

1. What do you really really want right now?
Sleep. Lots of it. And then perhaps a nap, followed by a doze.

2. If you can turn into anything, what do you wish you can turn into?
A baby or toddler because man, what a fantastic life. People feed you, you sleep whenever you want, and you think stuff like paper towel tubes are really, really cool. And tasty.

3. How are you feeling now?
Full of curry.

4. Where is the place that you want to go most?
Home. Oh hey, I'm going there on Thursday. Well, that's sorted then.

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be? I've changed this question to: If you were a Krispy Kreme doughnut, which one would you be?
Something covered in nuts with a squidgy middle.

6. Do you want more children?
Mine or other people's? No to both.

7. Do you think religion is redundant?
Religion is necessary for some people, and I respect that.

8. What cheers you up for the rest of the day?
My kids because they are damn funny. When they're not screaming and dripping snot, that is.

9. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Confess what? About that killing spree back in '72? No, that would definitely create a really awkward moment. I'm really in touch with this whole etiquette thing.

10. List out three good things of the person who tagged you.
a) She's one of the few people around me who appreciates the finer things in life such as Peanut Butter Cups.
b) She's an Aries. All the cool chicks are Aries.
c) She organised some kick-ass games for my baby shower, and didn't make any of us eat baby food.

11. What are the requirements that you wish of your other half?
Own teeth, own hair, has a job, doesn't live with his mother.

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
The chav a-hole who took the last parent/child parking spot at Tesco the other day.

13. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
I'd buy you lunch, and maybe even dessert too.

14. What would you wanna be remembered for after you're dead?
My tombstone should read: "She emigrated, she birthed, she made really good brownies."

15. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
The fact that I dwell on the ridiculous for far too long.

16. What would you most want to achieve right now?
Right now? Not forgetting to pack anything important.

17. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Happiness - everyone's.

18. If there's one thing in your life you wanted to do but yet unable to, what would it be?
Learn a third language.

19. What do you see yourself as in the next 10 years?
Middle-aged and writing angry letters to the Daily Mail.

20. If you were an animal, what would you be?
My dog, definitely. He's awake something like 10 minutes out of the day, and that's only to eat.

2008-04-29T20:47:00.002Z

i'm going to my happy place

I keep wondering if the hypnotherapy is actually going to work. When I think about our pending holiday I feel a bit panicky, but I think that has to do with worrying about the logistics of travelling across the ocean with two small children. So to "test out" the hypnotherapy, I've been envisioning the flight and turbulence to see how I react. During quiet moments, I focus my mind on being on the plane, the hum of the engine, then the dreaded *ding* of the seat belt sign illuminating. I imagine feeling bumps and shudders, then slight drops. I breathe in deeply then exhale the tension. The calm soothing voice of the hypnotherapist plays back in my mind and I tell myself that the fear is all in my mind.

Yep, I've officially gone cuckoo caca.

2008-04-25T15:12:00.002Z

look into my eyes; not around my eyes

I really don't like flying. I like travelling and I like going to new and exciting places (especially if it involves outlet malls), but I hate having to take an airplane to get there. Actually, I'm not afraid of flying - I don't mind take off and landing, or being up in the air - I'm afraid of crashing. It's the turbulence and the anticipation of turbulence that makes me want to run away screaming. Plummeting 30,000 feet to our deaths. That sort of thing. It's not like Lost, you know.

So as my kids get older and Jack is much more aware of everything around him, I don't want them to learn to be afraid of flying from me. Plus, I'm fed up of feeling like a nutcase when I fly, particularly considering that I used to love it when I was a kid. I want to look forward to our flights and enjoy having 8-10 hours of nothing to do but reading, watching films, and spending time with the kids.

I decided to see a hypnotherapist to help me get over this fear, encouraged by the positive experience I had with hypnotherapy antenatal CDs when I was pregnant with Mia. "What a bucket of caca!", I hear you say. Well, maybe. But if it helps me overcome my fear of flying, why not? Phobias are all in the mind, so "reprogramming" your brain to respond appropriately to the situation seems a sensible solution. The hypnotherapy didn't involve a middle-aged guy with a pocket watch going "You're getting sleeeeeepyyyyy" or getting me to cluck like a chicken. I think. Hmmm. No, pretty sure that didn't happen. It involved going into a state of deep relaxation, mentally going through the process of taking a flight, and getting suggestions and coping techniques from the hypnotherapist during the times I felt anxious. It was strange and interesting; I felt incredibly relaxed but extremely aware of what was going on. It was very much like when you close your eyes to go to sleep and your brain goes through a list of things you need to do, replays scenes from the day, etc. I "woke" feeling very relaxed and energetic, and slept very well the nights after I had my sessions.

We fly to Toronto in two weeks, so we shall see if any of it worked. At the moment, thinking about flying doesn't bother me at all and I'm very much looking forward to our trip home. Whether or not this is still the case when we're above the clouds and that goddamn little seat belt light comes on is to be determined. Fingers crossed.

*cluck*