girls are weird.

31 March 2005

mmmm cake

It's Ewan McGregor's birthday today. Let's all celebrate by singing:
Happy birthday to Ew!
Happy birthday to Ew!
Happy birthday you dishy lightsabre-swingin', bum revealin', motorcyclin' hunk of man,
Happy birthday to Ew!

It's also someone else's birthday today. That's right, it's my friend Gary's birthday! Ply yourself with cakes and enjoy.

Me? Today I'm being taken to Cadbury World or as I like to call it, The Land of Chocolate. If I'm not back in a week, don't try to find me.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

30 March 2005

in the orwellian bin

There is a programme on BBC2 in which celebrities suggest pet hates that should be banned for all eternity to a big box known as "Room 101" (Tracey Emin suggested clowns, and I wholeheartedly agree). Although I'm not famous (yet - still working on that crime spree when I get enough sleep to muster up the energy), I have a few suggestions for Room 101:
Accolades for celebrities who shed "baby weight" abnormally quickly - "Victoria Beckham was pictured for the first time this weekend since giving birth last month and looked astonishingly slender...she has already shed the pounds she put on while pregnant." [source] I read another article recently stating that she ensured she wasn't photographed during the last weeks of pregnancy because she was mortified that she had gained 2 stone (28 lbs.). Apparently she lost 1 stone immediately following the birth, but still wouldn't appear in public until the last stone came off. Poor, poor Posh. How awful for you, especially since 14 lbs. was 45% of your pre-pregnancy body weight. It's so fantastic that you're back to being frighteningly gaunt again. I really need a sarcasm font.
Wasps - They don't produce anything tasty like honey, they sting you for no good reason, and I'm allergic to them. They serve no purpose on my planet. Until they learn a useful skill, get rid of them.
Flyers - Please stop putting them through my door. A cheap photocopy isn't going to compel me to partake of your services. I need a sign above our letterbox saying, "Our house has been double glazed recently, we don't have any trees that need to be pruned, our driveway is already paved, and I'm not interested in hearing about your religion because I'm too busy beheading chickens whilst humming along merrily to Iron Maiden."
+1 Channels - Why is that every channel now seems to have a +1 version? For example, Discovery Home and Leisure has its regular channel and Discovery Home and Leisure +1. This is exactly the same programming, running one hour behind the regular channel. So, if you happen to only catch the end of a show, you can flip to the +1 channel and watch it in its entirety an hour later. Watching TV is like Groundhog Day; I feel like I'm reliving everything on television again and again and again and again and again...
Turbulence - We can put a man on the moon but we still have turbulent flights? Why can't we construct planes using the same technology as Steadicams? That way, planes could bounce around as much as they want and we'd never feel it. Get me to the patent office, pronto.
Coulis - It's fruit you've blitzed within an inch of its life in a blender, poured into an old ketchup squeezy bottle, and squirted around a dessert that tastes horrible with raspberry. Please stop.
Anything marked "resealable" - It never is; quit trying to trick us.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

28 March 2005

bunnytime

Jack is thoroughly excited about his first Easter:

I have a similar look today, but that's due to eating my weight in chocolate. Eyelids getting heavy...must sleep...must put chocolate eggs away...

Happy Easter, everyone!

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

24 March 2005

food for thought

When I was a little 'un, I was always able to go home for lunch. I was lucky; we always lived close to my schools and I had a stay at home Mom who fed me decent meals, three times a day. I didn't really have to endure school dinners (or as we call it back home, "cafeteria food") and few of the schools I attended didn't even have a cafeteria until I reached high school. Admittedly, I ate a lot of crap in high school. I never ate breakfast so by midmorning I'd be starving and would go to the "caf" to buy chocolate doughnuts. Mmmm doughnuts. My Mom always sent me to school with a sandwich, but I'd either have it with a bag of chips/crisps (chips on a sandwich - heaven) or I'd pitch it in the bin and get a plate of fries/chips instead. I usually had lunch with a chocolate milk, and would sometimes buy another junky snack for the afternoon (usually Fritos or Doritos). Although I ate all of this junk, my health was undoubtedly spared by the fact that any meals I ate at home were nutritious. We never ate prepared foods (okay, we ate fish sticks every now and then), my Mom never had junk food in the house, and a meal out was a real treat for special occasions. I can't ever remember being fed fast food unless it was at some kid's birthday party or until I could purchase it myself as a teen.

Recently, Jamie Oliver did a series about the state of school dinners in Britain. Kids are being fed prepackaged, processed junk food because schools claim that they can't afford anything else and it's "what the kids want". Children as young as 7 are eating nothing but a plate of chips for lunch, or preformed breaded mystery meat. While this might not be too serious for children who, like me, were fed well at home this is the main meal of the day for a lot of kids. School dinners are free for some children, to ensure that they have at least one substantial meal a day when it is likely that they won't get fed much at home. So when their one meal a day consists of a frozen potato product and something covered in custard, this is not a good thing. There is a petition on the Feed Me Better web site, dedicated to providing healthy food for school children. Oliver proved that schools could provide decent meals, even on the 35-45p limit per child. As I mentioned in my NHS food rant a month ago, good food can be done on a budget.

You can sign the petition here, and please sign soon. The petition closes on Monday at midnight.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

23 March 2005

i've come to fix the fridge

Darkness falls, the warmth of spring slowly creeps through the rustling grass. She sees his eyes glistening in the moonlight. He is drawn to the soft glow of her radiant skin. He makes a low grunting sound and edges towards her slowly. She waits, her deep breaths filling her voluminous chest. She is curvaceous, nearly twice his size, but he manages to climb on top of her. Carefully, methodically, and with purpose, their bodies entwine.

Suddenly, from out of the shadows appears a man bearing a digital camera. The flash doesn't deter the couple; they carry on oblivious.

Click here to see the photograph of this sordid scene.

It's pondography out there. Frogs are sprouting dodgy moustaches and I keep hearing strains of cheesy electronic music through the night. If anyone would like some tadpoles in another couple of weeks, give us a shout.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

22 March 2005

birthday boy

Hello, I'm Jack and I am one month old today. I enjoy long naps during the day, partying all night long, and peeing on health visitors. My hobbies include drinking milk, filling nappies (particularly immediately after a new one has been put on me), sneezing, and making alarmingly loud farty noises. I have acquired the following skills over the past four weeks: holding my head up, making lots of Mogwai-like noises to amuse myself, staring intently at faces, and today my Mummy swears that I gave her a huge gummy grin that wasn't at all related to gas.

Who loves ya, baby?

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

20 March 2005

it pays to have a web site

On Friday, my mother in law handed me a big box of chocolates and said, "I read your blog - happy Commonwealth Day!" How fabulous is that? You'll never hear any disparaging mother in law jokes from me, no siree.

According to my calendar, today is the "Journee internationale de la francophonie" (International Speakers of French Day). May I just take this opportunity to say that I speak French and that I'm pretty sure this event also involves a gift of chocolate. I don't have any proof of that at hand right now, but give me enough time and I'll find a link to speaking French and chocolate gifts.

On a totally unrelated subject, I am getting really bored with what I eat for breakfast. I usually have an egg with toast, or a bagel and cheese, or cereal, or once in a blue moon (usually when we've had overnight guests) we go all out and cooks us a full English breakfast. Any ideas for interesting and yummy things to eat for breakfast? I'm not a huge fan of sweet things first thing in the morning, so please, no mention of Pop Tarts or toaster struedel. Thanks.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

16 March 2005

soul food

The lovely and Commonwealthy Jack and Heather came to visit us on Friday, not only bearing their cutie pie daughter Rebecca, but a bag full of home cooking. I am telling you, there is no greater gift to new parents than a bunch of food. Okay, maybe sleep - sleep would be the best gift of all, but that's asking a bit much, really. I have been thoroughly enjoying their homebaked raisin bread for breakfast, tucked into some lentil stew for lunch, and sampled a big slice of lasagna (just to be polite, of course). Oh my, but it was good. So from the bottom of our stomachs, I thank you both for your thoughtful treats.

The sharing of food is of great significance to me. In my family, you don't leave the house without food. My grandmother would always send us home with old margarine containers stuffed full of leftovers (she always deliberately cooked "too much") and my mother will insist that you take home some food before she'll let you out the door. I'm now 3,000 miles from home and she still sends me food. Since we're big eaters, we rarely have leftovers to offer our guests (and some of our friends have healthy appetites too, you know) but I do try to bring food when visiting others and have been known to send Paul's family home with aluminum foil-wrapped extras. I love cooking for people because I think that there's something uniquely satisfying in feeding others. You are providing nourishment and enjoyment, fulfilling a basic but hugely important human need. I fret about not having enough food for guests, we were anxious when Jasper wasn't eating when he was a puppy, and one of my main goals for each day is making sure Jack is feeding enough. If you leave our house happy with a full belly, it does us proud.

So getting back to our Kiwi mates, it's Rebecca's first birthday today. It's strange to think that a year ago we were in Ft. Lauderdale on business, not even engaged yet and Jack was just a twinkle in our eyes. How much we've all grown in a year. Happy birthday, Becca!

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

15 March 2005

typing one handed

Who knew that women would need to master the skill of typing one handed? That's what happens when you've got a sleeping baby on one arm and you need to update your blog. Quit looking at me funny, what else could I have been talking about? Weirdos.

So apparently yesterday was Commonwealth Day. By my reckoning, this means that you British people should have bought me a present of some sort. Remember, I'm easily pleased and even a small gift of chocolate is greatly appreciated. I thank yew.

I had a cunning plan. I joined the Blockbuster's home DVD delivery service thingy, which had a free trial for one month. This entitled me to one month of free, unlimited DVD rentals posted directly to the house, after which point I was going to cancel. Hurrah! But then one week after signing up, I was admitted to hospital and gave birth a few days later - and apparently my free trial has ended and my credit card has just been debited the fee for the following month. And I only got around to watching one DVD. Doh. Lesson learned: try not to stick it to the man when you're very close to your due date.

And that sums up all the non-baby topics I could think of to cover last week. I'm sorry, I'll try to get out of the house soon.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --

06 March 2005

blog from a mutha

I'm pleased as punch to be celebrating my first Mother's Day (don't ask me why it's in March in the UK; I just live here), and so far, I have been spoiled rotten. First, I got two cards this morning. Then, breakfast arrived:

A bit later, these were delivered to our house:

Right now, I've got a sleeping 12 day old little boy in my arms. He isn't showing much interest in my computer at the moment, but I'm sure he'll soon figure out that Daddy's credit card + Internet access = heaps of fun. It's only 11am, and it's already been a beautiful day. Now to convince Paul to do this all over again in May when it's Mother's Day in North America. We must teach our son about his cultural heritage, surely.

To all you muthas out there, have a fabulous day. If someone isn't spoiling you, feel free to come over here and I'm sure Paul will cook you a MacDurbs eggy bagel.

[posted by: Lisa Durbin] --