Saturday, April 17, 2004
a new friend
I have just discovered an online tool called Fertility Friend. It's actually really quite interesting (if you find charting your temperature every day interesting - what can I say, I'm weird) and it's a good way to chart your monthly cycles. I've been jotting my morning temperature down in a chart next to my bed, but it wasn't really easy to tell what was going on (my aging eyes are failing me and all those little grid lines confuse me). Fertility Friend is pretty cool. It also provided a possible reason why I didn't get pregnant last month (I thought the timing was right, but it looks like we were a bit late), although I do understand that even if you get the timing absolutely spot on, you still only have a 20% change of getting pregnant each cycle.
Funny how us girls spend most of our lives trying not to conceive and when we do want to have a baby, it's like composing someone's astrological chart. Maybe the best plan is to pretend that you're 17, climb into the backseat of your partner's car, and imagine that you're late coming home and your parents are going to kill you. Guaranteed pregnancy, I bet.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
a little patience
After a good cry, lots of hugs from Paul, and cuddles with Jasper, I do feel better today. I was starting to get excited about being pregnant and even though I knew it was unlikely to happen, part of me was convinced that it would. Being logical about it all, it actually makes more sense to wait until after the wedding to start trying again. For the two weeks that I wasn't sure if I was pregnant, I made the appropriate changes (major alcohol cutback, stopped taking allergy tablets/ibuprofen, etc.) and spent much of the two weeks anxiously looking for signs of pregnancy. I don't think I want to go through that worrying every month along with all the wedding and honeymoon planning. Also, I don't think it's advisable to do long haul flights in the early stages of pregnancy, so the honeymoon might have become a problem. Between now and the wedding, we only have 5 opportunities to conceive anyway, so it won't be that long to wait.
Which would be fine if I wasn't the most impatient person in the world.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
unexpected
My period arrived today. Although I kept thinking that I didn't feel pregnant, I was very much hoping that I was. I kept waiting for symptoms to arrive, but confusion came instead when my temperature went back down to normal this morning. I was feeling so tired lately and was even nauseous today, but it had nothing to do with being pregnant. I was just tired and nauseous, full stop.
We did discuss the possibility of waiting until after we're married to start again, so it looks like this is what will happen. It's just so heartbreaking, even after only one month.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
look! behind you!
So I'm at Tesco last weekend and I decide to buy a pregnancy test kit...just in case. As I'm standing at the till, Pete from work comes bounding up to me congratulating me on our engagement (Paul was out front with Jasper and told him the good news). At that very moment, the cashier is trying to pry his way into the pregnancy kit, that's encased in several inches of bulletproof plastic. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him pull on it, tap it against the counter, wedge it between his knees, and at same time, I'm showing Pete my ring and trying to keep his attention diverted from the pregnancy test. The cashier finally gets it out of the security casing, and the test trundles on its own down the conveyor belt towards Pete and I. Seeing the panic in my face, the cashier quickly picks up the test, and shoves it into my waiting hand so I can shove it in the bag without Pete noticing. Checkout relay at its best.
And no, I still don't feel pregnant.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
doing it for the osteopath
I went to see my osteopath today and he asked me the usual questions every time I see him: how has my progress been since we last met, am I feeling any pain at the moment, am I on any medication, etc. "Oh, and I might be pregnant", I mentioned rather casually. His eyes lit up and a smile spread across his friendly face. "Oooh! This is good news! Have you taken a home pregnancy test?" No, it's too early yet. "Are you feeling anything? Any symptoms?" No, it's probably still too early yet. "I wish you all the best! Remember to take your folic acid and try to do some stretching, and I won't do any acupuncture until the baby is more fully formed..." and so he went on during my appointment, making a bit of a fuss about me. Am I okay with lying on my stomach? Please let him know right away if I feel any discomfort or pain.
If I'm not actually pregnant, I think it'll break his heart.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
spot the difference
How does a woman know she is pregnant (in the very early stage)? Apparently, she can experience any/none/some of the following: increased appetite, tender breasts/nipples, fatigue, nausea, moodiness, and cravings for certain foods. And this is different from the usual two weeks leading up to my period, how? Indeed. I know a few women who say that they knew they were pregnant almost immediately. I don't have that feeling, but I do have a rather large zit on my chin. My temperature went up the night of my birthday, then dipped back down again for the following two days, and has now risen ever so slightly (but not up to the usual temperature that tends to appear after I've ovulated). No, I have no idea what that means either. To be honest, I think the best thing I can do is just wait. No period in the next couple of weeks means it's time to pee on a stick and see what it says. Not very high tech, but sometimes it's better to keep things simple.
We wanted to be married before I got pregnant, but then changed our minds when we got engaged. The idea was to start trying now because it might take months (years, even) before I conceive. But now we're wondering what will happen if I get pregnant now or in the next couple of months. We're hoping for an Autumn wedding or sooner, and the last thing I want is to waddle down the aisle in a stretchy polyester muumuu. Do I want to be sober at the reception? Do I want to risk barfing on the best man during the ceremony if I'm suffering from morning sickness? Would we still be able to go on a honeymoon? Won't people think we're only getting married because I'm pregnant? What if our child grows up thinking the same thing?
But I do want to be pregnant and Paul will be thrilled no matter when it happens. This is going to be a long two weeks.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
one giant leap for paul and lisa kind
As you already know, Paul proposed to me on Wednesday night. On Wednesday night, we also decided to throw Mr. Condom into the bin and start trying to conceive (which, when put that way, sounds very unromantic indeed - but it's not unromantic, truly). It's exciting and scary and thrilling and a million other things, but it's all good.
Fingers crossed. :)