Friday, February 27, 2004
we have so much in common
Kylie considers motherhood at 35
Singer Kylie Minogue is afraid time is running out for her to have children, she has told Michael Parkinson.
The 35-year-old said becoming a mother would be "the best thing I've ever done", in a BBC One interview to be broadcast on Saturday.
"It's not too late, but obviously a woman of my age can't help but think about those things," she said.
Minogue said it would be "wonderful" to marry, but revealed no plans to wed her actor boyfriend Olivier Martinez.
[source]
Monday, February 23, 2004
one less visit to the doctor's
I rang the surgery this morning and spoke to my favourite receptionist (if I had a sarcasm font, I would have just used it two words ago). She's always miserable whenever I speak to her, which is amazing because you'd think that it would be difficult to pick a fight over a conversation about booking an appointment...but she can do it, oh yes. I'm surprised that I didn't recount my first pregnancy-related interaction with her a few weeks ago. It went like this:
[me] "I'd like to book a prepregnancy checkup, please." (because that's what all the books and web sites advise, you see)
[grumpy receptionist] "A what?"
[me] "A prepregnancy checkup. To make sure I'm okay before we try to conceive."
[grumpy receptionist] "So you want a pregnancy test."
[me] "No, I want a PREpregnancy or PREconception check. I'm going to be 35 soon and I think it's wise to see a doctor before we start trying."
[grumpy receptionist] "So how far along do you think you are?"
[me] (stunned silence) "Um...I'm not pregnant yet. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding something. I've read several books that have advised what they call a prepregnancy check. Do you not do those?"
[grumpy receptionist] "What would that involve?"
[me] "Erm...I'm not sure, really. A rubella jab?"
[grumpy receptionist] "Well, all girls have had one, so you don't need another one."
[me] (wondering where she got her medical degree from) "Yes but in Canada, we only get one jab when we're toddlers and not another one later like you do here. So I don't know if I'm still immune."
[grumpy receptionist] "You'll be fine. We don't do prepregnancy checks here anyway. It's just the NHS, so we don't do that."
[me] "Yes but I would still like to see someone because I have other concerns. For example, diabetes runs in my family and I have some questions about that."
[grumpy receptionist] "You can see Zoe, our diabetes nurse."
Fine. After 10 minutes of this stimulating conversation, she finally agreed to book an appointment for me with a diabetes nurse (who luckily, as I wrote previously, turned out to be lovely). Zoe advised me to ring back today to check and see if my rubella test was back...so you can imagine my joy when I heard the melodious sound of my favourite receptionist's voice at the other end of the phone this morning. I explained that I had a test done a week ago for rubella and asked if I could check the results. "IF they're back!" she snorted. Indeed. They had come back and I am fine; I don't need a rubella jab.
Someone please tell me that when I'm pregnant I don't have to deal with this surgery, the doctors at this surgery, or this idiotic receptionist. Otherwise, I can't be held responsible for anything my hormones may make me do.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
baby fix
We love it when babies come to visit the office (when I say "we" I mean me and one other broody woman who works here). Today, we had a visit from Morgan who is now 8 months old and giggly. He was premature, so the first time I saw him, he weighed only 5 lbs. at 6 weeks old. Now he's a strapping 20 lbs. and can sort of walk around if you hold his hands. He smiled and giggled at me, drooled and dropped crumbs all over me, and my RSI-inflicted arm is very sore from holding him. He's lovely. I feel calm and happy now. Mmmmm.
what's in a name?
Whilst looking through the email address list at work yesterday (we were bored), we had a good giggle over some of the names we found. Granted, you can't do much about your last name (except women can try to trade up to a better one when they get married) but a bad first name is no one's fault but your parent's. I very narrowly escaped being cursed with a ridiculous name (my Dad wanted to name me Muffin), but luckily I have a mother who is sensible in that respect. I cannot believe some of the names people come up with - Chardonnay, Indigo, Sienna. Trust me, they will all grow up to be porn stars with names like that.
So, this is my vow: I promise not to inflict a stupid name on our child. I cannot guarantee that I won't come up with stupid pet names (i.e. terms of endearment, not names for an actual pet).
Monday, February 16, 2004
you know you're getting a bit mental when...
...you find yourself getting really excited about your period. Maybe this needs a bit of context. Hmm nah, it'll probably still sound insane. The point is, I was really pleased to discover that this month (my first month off the pill), I had a "near perfect" 24 day cycle. I have been on the pill for approximately one kajillion years, off and on. During the times I wasn't on the pill, my periods were incredibly wonky. I'd go up to 6 months without one and then have a rip roarin' time for 2 weeks (or more) when it finally arrived. I was a lot fatter then, smoked, and was always stressed out, so perhaps things have become better now as a result of my healthier, less stressed lifestyle. Or maybe after this month, my next period won't happen until Halloween. Who knows. Still, I'm pretty excited. On a different note, I have been reintroduced to the world of PMS/PMT. A world with which I have been unfamiliar for many years and my brain has (deliberately?) forgotten. It wasn't too bad but it does explain some of the weirdness I wrote about a week ago.
I've also started taking my temperature every morning and marking it down faithfully in my little Boots fertility chart thingy. I always thought that when books recommended taking your temperature, it meant to take it...erm...down there with some sort of special thermometer. It made sense to me at the time - wasn't it to see if your body was at the right temperature for successful fertilisation? I can't be the only one who thought this. When I told my Mom that I got a funky new digital thermometer to take my temperature, she said that my aunt (a nurse) has a fancy one that takes it in a couple of seconds via the ear...but that it wouldn't be of much help for my purposes. Well, at least we know where I get some of my logic from.
I started reading "The Best Friend's Guide to Pregnancy" by Vicky Iovine, which has been annoying me for a couple of reasons. One, it's very American (it's not really a tangible complaint that I can describe very well, but suffice it to say that some of the writing style made me cringe slightly) and two, whoever "translated" it into Britspeak from American didn't really do a very good job of it, and I find that distracting. What is the point of changing certain references like "fill my car with gas" to "fill my car with petrol" but leave in references to Judge Judy and Chippendale dancers? I think you might as well leave anecdotal books like this in its original "language" because most people in the UK know what gas and PMS are. Otherwise, it's not a bad book but it's not quite for me (and in fact, I found it kind of depressing). I loved reading through Miriam Stoppard's "New Pregnancy and Birth Book", maybe because it's straightforward and has lots of fascinating pictures and diagrams (what can I say, I'm part of the TV generation and we need lots of colours and short simple bits of information). Most importantly, I take everything with a grain of salt and understand that every woman is different. No book can tell me exactly what my pregnancy will be like, but it'll be nice to have some references on hand.
Gosh, that was a long and rambly post. Sorry about that. Hormones, you see.
Friday, February 13, 2004
nurse!
I must start this off by simply stating Hooray For Nurses! I have yet to encounter a doctor here who isn't a miserable, apathetic, and uncaring git (and only had two good ones in Canada in the 30ish years I lived there). I can say, without exaggeration, that every single nurse I've seen here has been excellent. They spend as much time with you as you need, offer friendly and reassuring advice, and actually look like they give a shit when you're talking to them. They are severely underpaid and yet they maintain this fantastic level of care. Hooray for nurses, I say.
I went to see the nurse yesterday afternoon to chat about various prepregnancy issues I was wondering about. On Monday morning, I'm getting tested to see if I'm immune to rubella (my Mom said I had a rubella shot when I was a toddler, but they tend to inoculate girls again at around 10-11 years old here). Otherwise, I seem to be doing all that I can in preparation.
Now to get back to the diet. After our big Valentine's dinner, of course.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
some thoughts
I was reading the book _The Rough Guide to Pregnancy_ last night (thanks, Heather!), which was making me giggle. Any book that uses the phrase "boring as batshit" is okay by me. Although the section on preconception is quite brief, there are a few interesting questions at the end of the section us preconceiving women can think about and/or record (in a blog, for example) for future reference.
Why do we want to have a baby?
Probably the most basic question, but hardest to answer. Part of it is simply instinct; an inherent need to do what nature intended, for lack of a better description. When I was younger, I didn't feel ready to have a baby but I couldn't say with any certainty that I never wanted kids (which became a real problem when my partner through my 20s was adamant about never having kids). I didn't really know that I wanted a child until a year or so ago, and I think that has a lot to do with having a fantastic partner and being in a great relationship, having a good job that I truly enjoy, and having a more stable/secure life in general. So as to why we want kids, maybe the answer is that I don't really know. It's not that tangible. It's a feeling of wanting to take care of a being that is part of the two of us, to share my life, love, and experiences with our child.
What do we expect?
I have learned not to have any expectations because they never turn out like I had imagined. What I have discovered is that many things about pregnancy and birth have completely surprised me. I think the author summed it up perfectly when she said that she thought pregnancy would be like her but with a bump in front. I thought that it would mostly involve throwing up for the first few months, odd cravings, and getting fat (I think television has influenced me too much). Who knew about breathlessness, nausea in the last trimester, false labour, the constant need to pee, etc.? Then there's motherhood. I really don't know what to expect, but I do know what I want to avoid. There are promises that I will make to my child that I will never break.
What are we doing in preparation?
You've read it all here, folks. Um, except that the dieting isn't going so well because I've been insanely hungry lately. And the exercise is nonexistent. *cough* Got my appointment with the nurse today, though. Will write an update about that later. I've also started taking my temperature every morning.
What about work?
I'm really struggling with this one and I'm finding this hard to sort out. I can probably afford to take three months off work (and I know that Paul wouldn't hesitate to support me financially if I wanted to take more time off), but the bigger dilemma is about returning to work. I always thought that I'd take some time off, then gradually return to work (i.e. work from home full time, then come in one or two days a week, etc.). I didn't think about what I'd do about returning to work full time. Would we put the baby in daycare? Could we afford it? Could I work from home on a permanent basis? At this point, I don't think I'd want to quit work completely. I really like my job and can't imagine not working, full stop. I have a feeling that this is something that we won't know about until we're actually parents.
Monday, February 09, 2004
are you sitting comfortably?
I'm starting to realise that the last few weeks of pregnancy must be the most uncomfortable. Last night, poor Heather had to get on all fours, prop up her front with an exercise ball and put a pillow under her knees to get comfortable. She told us about the small fort she'd built with pillows to keep things comfy and stop delicate muscles from getting strained. Then there was her description of feeling like the baby had hooked its little feet around the back of her ribs.
Maybe the last few weeks should be spent in a nice warm bath with small breaks for massages and light snacks.
Friday, February 06, 2004
no room in the inn
Further to Wednesday's post, I am also convinced that pregnancy was not designed with women in mind. Looking at pictures of the baby's development inside the body, I don't quite see where your internal organs are supposed to go in later stages of pregnancy. From what I can gather, it looks like your stomach, diaphragm, lungs, and heart have to relocate to somewhere around your chin for the last two months. And what is this business about not being able to breathe properly in month 8? I'm no doctor, but the mother's ability to breathe must be a fundamental part of the baby's development. Then there's birth. An entire baby is supposed to come out of an opening that's normally the size of a 50p coin? Surely you jest.
If we were designed to carry babies and give birth in any sort of comfort, our torsos would be hollow and we'd have some sort of opening that would allow something bigger than a citrus fruit to pass through. Further proof that god must be a man, if you ask me.
all in my head
I think I'm going insane. Either that, or going off the pill makes you go through some odd physical and mental changes. In the past week, I've been extremely tired, felt very distracted (I can't make decisions about simple things like what to have for lunch), my nose has suddenly erupted into spots, my sense of taste and smell has been heightened (not for the better, I might add), and I've experienced a few other uncomfortable issues that I won't make you read about. It's not PMS (too early) and I doubt that I'm pregnant (we're using condoms with spermicide).
Maybe I'm suffering from Medical Student Syndrome - I'm experiencing various symptoms I've been reading about in pregnancy books. Next thing I know, I'll be eating pickles and ice cream and throwing up throughout the day. Grand.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
breaking into the window of opportunity
It's amazing. With all the chemical and physical barriers present in the female body, it's astounding that we get pregnant at all. I was reading my book last night (I know I said not to read too much, but I'm just sticking to one book for now) and went through the section about conception. So if I understand this correctly, there is a 12-24 hour period per month (if I am actually ovulating) in which I may become pregnant if one of Paul's 2,000 sperms (that are no more than roughly 24 hours old) makes it through, and if the fertilized egg actually takes hold and implants itself.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
I can see why women drive themselves mental trying to get the timing right (and how it's so easy for the whole process to become such a chore for her partner). I've started to chart my cycles mostly out of curiosity, and perhaps later, out of necessity. When it's time, my mantra will be "go for it and see what happens". In the meantime, I really must stop reading the sections about labour and birth because they're freaking me out.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
we have a cunning plan
One night in bed, Paul and I curled up together in the dark and talked about babies. We had talked about having kids before, so we knew that it was something we both wanted, but we didn't talk about when. Two months before my 35th. birthday, I thought it would be a good time to start talking about when. So we curled up together in the dark and talked.
Hence, here we are at the beginning of the Paul and Lisa Have a Baby story.
I am not usually one for making plans, I'm more of a diving in head first without noticing that the pool is empty kind of gal. It's a bit unusual for me to be so keen about preparing ourselves for parenthood, but some instinct buried deep within my genetic programming is compelling me to make plans - and stick to them.
Stage one: getting fightin' fit, saving money, and doing research
In the next few months, I want to lose that last stone that's been overstaying its welcome and build up more muscular and cardio strength. I'm going to the doctor's office next week to see if I'm immune against German Measles and to do a diabetes check (it runs in my family). I'll be putting more money into my super secret savings account per month than usual and letting my stock options vest. We need to estimate out how much time off work I'll need and how much that will cost minus the maternity benefits. Finally, I've done quite a bit of reading. Which leads me to my next point.
Tip #1: don't read too much
I've read various articles, books, and web sites about conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. I'm now more confused than when I didn't know very much about this whole pregnancy thing. Some "experts" suggest that you eat at least two portions of oily fish per week, such as tuna. Others warn against eating certain fish more than once a week, such as tuna. Some say that waiting a longer period of time will improve your partner's sperm count. Others say to go at it like teenage rabbits during your fertile weeks as waiting decreases the quality of the sperm. Some say to hoist up your legs and put a pillow under your butt for 20 minutes afterwards. Others say this is rubbish and accomplishes nothing. A bit of caffeine and one or two units of alcohol is fine. Don't go near caffeine or alcohol. In fact, if you live near a Starbuck's MOVE, YOU BAD MOTHER.
One thing I've read that has helped was in the introduction to a book I'm reading by Dr. Miriam Stoppard. She said that more women are having babies around 35 and that this is advantageous in several ways. We're more financially stable, in more solid relationships, and more self assured than we were in our 20s. We've worked our way up to a career that fulfils us, and that allows us the flexibility to take some time off and return when we're ready.
So here we go...